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MCAA Previous Story From 2026, Week 6
Faber College Football: Where Defense is Optional and the Scoreboard is Melting
Faber College is off to a scorching, albeit entirely cardiac-arrest-inducing, 5-0 start to the season, having turned every Saturday afternoon into a high-stakes math test. The "Double-Secret Defense" in Faber hasn't stopped a single nosebleed this fall, surrendering a staggering 340 points through five games - an average of 68 points allowed per contest. Yet, thanks to an offense operating with the subtlety of a live grenade, the Mongols have managed to outscore opponents by a comfortable margin, highlighted by a chaotic 98-69 shootout against Iowa A&M, a narrow 69-65 escape over Huxley College, a 96-58 track meet against St. Thomas, an 86-64 victory at Arlington State, and a modest 91-78 barnburner against Adams.
 Naturally, Faber Head Coach Lee Gwin isn't losing any sleep over his team's complete aversion to tackling, preferring to view his squad's defensive strategy as an invitation for maximum spectator entertainment. "Defense? Look, our guys treat the secondary like a VIP lounge where everyone gets in," Coach Gwin laughed, wiping sweat from his brow. "Sure, we're giving up enough points to make a basketball scoreboard short-circuit, but as long as our offense scores ninety points and we have one more token left in the machine than the other guys, I call that a defensive masterclass. Who wants a boring 10-3 game anyway?"
Opposing coaches, meanwhile, are left shell-shocked and reaching for their calculators after trying to solve the Faber riddle. Iowa A&M Coach Dave Boese, whose squad surrendered a mind-boggling 98 points to Faber, still looks like he's recovering from a roller-coaster ride without a safety harness. "Ninety-eight points! We scored sixty-nine points on the road, which usually wins you games, and we lost by nearly thirty!" Coach Boese groaned. Echoing that sentiment, St. Thomas Coach Cameron Long - whose team coughed up 96 points - admitted his defense had no answers. "We practiced all week for football, and we walked onto the field to find out we were contestants in a pinball tournament. At one point, I tried to punt, and Faber's offense caught it in mid-air and threw a seventy-yard touchdown pass to themselves."
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