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LEAGUE OPTIONS
MCAA TEAMS
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MCAA STORY
NDSU Holds OC Accountable Without Actually Firing Him
The Norse Dakota State Bison have achieved a rare level of offensive futility through eight games in 2026, anchoring the bottom of the Midwest Collegiate Athletic Association (MCAA) with an abysmal 217 total points scored. Averaging a microscopic 27.1 points per contest, the Bison offense has looked less like a conference contender and more like a group of bewildered players attempting to execute play calls translated into ancient Nordic runes. Yet, in a masterclass of administrative absurdity, the athletic department decided to publicly call out offensive coordinator Gary "Gunnar" Lindstrom for the historically putrid output - while simultaneously extending his contract and refusing to relieve him of his duties.
 At a bizarre press conference on Tuesday, head coach Scott Stockton stood alongside his beleaguered play-caller to explain the program's unique approach to internal discipline and accountability. "Look, 217 points over eight games isn't just bad; it's a statistical cry for help, and Gary knows he's completely to blame for this offensive disaster," Stockton declared with surprising enthusiasm while patting a visibly uncomfortable Lindstrom on the back. "We are holding him 100% responsible by making him sit in a dunk tank during team meetings and forcing him to write 'I will not call a wide receiver screen on 3rd & 18' on the whiteboard five hundred times. But fire him? Absolutely not. Finding a new OC requires paperwork, and frankly, Gary’s pre-game meatball recipe is the only thing keeping our locker room morale alive."
Across the MCAA, rival head coaches have watched the saga with a mix of utter disbelief and suppressed laughter, especially considering the Bison somehow tricked the universe into granting them two victories despite their offensive paralysis. "It is mathematically unbelievable that a team with 217 points through eight weeks won two actual football games," remarked one anonymous conference rival. "I watched film on their red zone possessions, and I'm convinced their primary play concept is called 'Panic and Drop the Ball.' My defensive coordinator literally prepares for them by taking a nap." Another MCAA head coach added off the record, "If my offense scored 217 points in two months, my athletic director would have changed the locks on my office by Week 4. The fact that Stockton gave the guy a dunk tank instead of a pink slip is the funniest thing to happen in this league in a decade."
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NCAA SCHEDULE
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